#NIAW

Blogging isn't really my thing. I can enjoy it now and again, but my life is too boring to make regular blogging easy. But this week is very near and dear to my heart. So I always try to post at least once.

You see, it's National Infertility Awareness Week. It's the week when I, like so many, chose to finally step out of the closet and turn the light on for all to see. It's just about impossible for me to explain to someone who hasn't experienced infertility personally, just why it is so difficult to initially share with others about your struggle. There are so many things in life that we tell to anyone who will listen. But when you find yourself walking down this lonely path, the last thing you feel like doing is sharing it with others.

We feel broken. Like we are missing parts. (Some are actually missing parts!) We feel like failures.

God created man and woman and told them to procreate. Simple right? As little kids we sing "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage". As little girls, we play with dolls and say that when we grow up we want to be a mommy. It's a natural part of society. It's something you don't question, but rather something you just know will happen.

Then come those years. The years in our lives where (most) worry about getting pregnant. Kenny Chesney said it well in "There Goes My Life".

And in the blink of an eye, you're finally married and ready to start your own family. Some plan it all out. "I want to have my first child when I am 24, my second when I am 27 and then maybe one more in another couple years." Or "I want to finish college and get a steady job. Then we can buy a house and save up some money before we get pregnant." The list goes on.

But for 1 in 8 couples, couples just like my husband and I, those dreams and plans are all tossed in a blender, and spun all to hell. We start out counting the months. Then as those months turn into a year or two, we find ourselves at a specialist, being poked and prodded in ways most never imagine possible. We find ourselves taking drugs that require us to sometimes ask random people to give us a shot that will leave a huge and nasty bruise and will cause us to act like a raging lunatic at times. Then a few weeks later, we learn once again that it was all for nothing... again.

It's tough. It turns your life upside down. For me, I went from being "that person" who loved all babies, kids and pregnant bellies, to being the one who ran out of a church service, hysterical, because I found myself literally surrounded by pregnant ladies, newborn babies and young families as the pastor began a sermon on parenting. I became the one who can't attend baby showers and "hides" posts and sometimes friends, on Facebook because I can't bear to see another belly shot or ultrasound picture. And worst of all, I became the one who couldn't bear to be around babies.

Some women are caught completely off guard when they find themselves struggling to get pregnant. For me, there were some precursors that occurred in my early twenties that led me to enough awareness to know that it just might be more difficult for me than others. I went through periods after that of denial, when I was convinced it wouldn't be that way. But I went through more periods of grief when I was certain it would become my struggle. I suppose if I am honest, then I have at least a small amount of thankfulness for the events that warned me of what might be in my future. To some degree, it would have been nice to not think about those things in my early twenties, before meeting my husband. But knowledge is power. I knew it might happen. I know that I shouldn't wait long. (Doctors had forewarned me to try on my own for 6 months and then seek a specialist.) I knew not to "wait for the right time" before starting to try. And for that, I am thankful. Because as I sit here 5 years later, still without a child, I know if I had waited any longer than I did to start trying, then my pain and grief would be that much worse.

The biggest thing that infertility took from me was my hope. My hope for the future that I always envisioned. Everyone walking this journey, struggles in their own personal way. And each one of us have to take the path that feels right for us. And healing comes in different ways, at different times, for each one of us. The first step I took towards healing was the day I "came out of the infertility closet". The second step I took was when we decided to stop treatments and start the adoption process.

Infertility is real. Infertility is ugly. Infertility is painful. And infertility affects 1 in 8 couples. Be aware. Be conscious. Be aware of what you say to others. Words can be like salt in an open wound.

Awareness is the key to conquering all diseases. Help those of us struggling to increase awareness of this emotionally painful disease.

Officially official

On December 29th, our official approval as Adoptive Parents came in the mail.

I met with the pregnancy counselor a few days later and sent in our dear birth parent letter this week. Today I had an email directing me to the website where we are now officially up for the world to see!

CCC Website

I have also been working on our nursery!

I can't put into the words all the excitement I have been feeling lately!

This just got real... and I gotta feeling 2013 is gonna be OUR BIG YEAR!!!!

Moving Forward

A brief post to update on our lives.

We have officially set aside all medical consulting/treatment/intervention with trying to conceive. We closed that chapter and took some time to work through the emotions that came with doing so. And then the week before last we sent in the application for adoption with our chosen agency.

We are now scheduled for our initial interview on the 19th. I honestly have no idea what the initial interview is. I presume its largely about reviewing our application and discussing what happens now. I am excited and nervous.

I am a social worker and I do home studies, so I am aware of how deep into our personal lives this will have to get. I tend to think that a home study for adoption will have to dig even deeper than I have to do. And while being the one conducting the interviewing for my job makes me very nervous still (who wants to ask strangers about their most personal things??), the nervousness I feel being on this side is a lot worse.

Meanwhile, I am greatly and pleasantly distracted by the yard sale fundraiser we are having on the 22nd. As soon as we announced officially about starting our path to adoption, the support began pouring in. I fully see now that all these people always did care about what we were going through, but people just don't know how to react to infertility. No one knows what to say or what to do or how to act. So most just retreat from us. Now that we are planning ways to raise funds for adoption, these people know how they can help. And helping they are!

I have been totally blown away by the things people have donated and the ways people have helped. I started into this yard sale thing fearing we wouldn't have anything to sell really. But now, I am just fearing we won't have enough people come to buy all this stuff! We have a bedroom at my home almost full of things donated, and an outdoor building and a room at my moms almost filled. We also have things someone left for us at the church. And things others said they will get to us closer to time. We are BLESSED! And man did I miss realizing just how blessed we are and how awesome the people in our lives are! Adoption gives me this joy and hope; infertility gave me nothing but hard times. So... here's to hoping that this new chapter in our lives is much happier and easier than the last!

And to my mother and Kimberly... we truly could NOT be doing this yard sale without you! Thank you for all the help! And to everyone else as well!

Privileges not rights!

(Excuse me while I get on my soapbox. But this one I can't resist or hold in.)


Some people will never know what it is to truly fight to get something in life. Some people get many "things" handed to them easily, and take those things for granted, not even giving them the appreciation they deserve. This goes for jobs, spouses, parents, siblings, cars, homes, financial handouts, and nearest and dearest to my heart, children.

These things are not rights people!

They are privileges!

You are not guaranteed to get them nor to keep them. Appreciate what you have.

Stop taking them for granted, for tomorrow may not come and if it does for you, it may not for others around you. And I am no saint... far from it. I complain far too often and I am first to admit that. But the things we complain about... someone somewhere would give anything to have. And that someone is probably far closer than you realize.

Infertility has taught me a LOT of hard lessons. This is, without a doubt, in the top 3 lessons learned so far in this journey. Going through this, learning these hard lessons... it has really helped my consideration for others and the (often silent) things they may be going through to grow and be strengthened.

I read an article today that is just too good not to share with all who will "listen".

Take a minute and read 16 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman Who Is Childless But Not By Choice over at HuffPost Women.

Don't Ignore... the part you play

If you have someone in your life who is battling infertility, rather it's a best friend, cousin, daughter, or just a coworker, you owe it to them to be aware of the role you can play in their life.

You can ask us something nosy and out of place, and send us into a downward spiral.
You can tell us your unwanted "advice" that belittles the very real pain we feel.
You can ignore or avoid us, and make us feel even more alone

OR

You can say "I'm so sorry."
You can hug us.
You can just listen. (I know... you forgot that was possible right? Lol.)
You can hand us a tissue.
You can tell us you are there to listen, if we want to share.
You can pray for us, and tell us you are doing so... because that's the best thing anyone can give us.
You can do a little research, just to better understand what we are going through and how it affects us.
You can support our decisions, rather that decision is to seek medical treatment, artificial insemination, IVF, adoption or to just accept things for the way they are.

What will you choose to do?


For more information on infertility and how to support those struggling, please visit RESOLVE's website.

Don't ignore family building alternatives

As a part of National Infertility Awareness Week, I want to take a moment to recognize a very important family building option: Adoption.

Please take a moment to visit this page and learn about the Adoption Tax Credit bill and help by signing the petition.

Adoption Tax Credit

Sign it for those who battle infertility and choose to adopt to build their family.
Sign it for those who willingly choose to adopt as their first choice for starting/building a family.
Most importantly, sign it for those little boys and girls desperately needing a loving home. Because this tax credit makes it more possible for those struggling financially, to adopt.